


i will find

by Lapin



Series: fire-bird [2]
Category: The Magnificent Seven (2016)
Genre: M/M, Modern AU, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24543883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lapin/pseuds/Lapin
Summary: People are weird, out here in New Mexico. It’s not just them, and their particular brand of insane. You can’t throw a damn rock out here and not hit someone half-crazy. Must be something in the groundwater. It means no one ever looks twice at them, though. Them and their family. They get left alone.“Maybe you should look for a pet for us,” Vas says now. “We could get a cat.”Everyone comes around again. Even wild horses.
Relationships: Joshua Faraday & Matthew Cullen, Joshua Faraday/Vasquez
Series: fire-bird [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1773862
Comments: 12
Kudos: 96
Collections: Epic To Read List





	i will find

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hazel_Athena](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hazel_Athena/gifts).



> I lied. I said it was done, but I decided I wanted to do more in this universe. And I would have kept it to myself, if Hazel Athena hadn't enabled me. Enabling me is a mistake.

"Third chicken this week,” Sam announces, coming into the kitchen. “We need a dog.”

Josh looks up at him, acknowledging what he’s heard, then goes back to looking at Goody’s textbook with him. Wordy Goody might be, but it turns out math is his one great failing, and the guidance counselor at the community college had advised him to take it over the summer, so he could focus on it. He still ain’t very good at it, but Josh is, so here they are. 

“Nah,” he says, stopping Goody where he’s working through a problem on paper. “Descartes’ Rule, man, remember.” He points to where that’s written down in the textbook, in a side blurb. 

“There was not this much math the first time,” Goody complains. 

“Descartes died in 1650,” Josh reminds him, just do it. Sue him, he’s enjoying this. He always knew he was smart, back that first time. Wasn’t his fault it wasn’t the right time for him. “Why are you even taking this shit?”

“Figure I’ll get all my math done now, then I can focus on the fun stuff if I go any further,” Goody explains, which makes sense. “Community college has smaller class sizes, all that. Even if you’re busy, the professor will actually have time for me. Ain’t no way I’d get through this at a four-year school.” 

He probably wouldn’t. Goody’s not stupid, but fuck, he is bad at math. He’s doing alright now, but it’s slow-going, so Josh looks over his shoulder at Sam, still grumbling about the damn chickens. He gets up, leaving Goody to it, and joins Sam, watching him wash his hands before getting a drink. “A dog? We ain’t got enough animals around the place?” 

“We got less of ‘em, thanks to the hawks,” Sam replies. “Think this might have been a coyote. There are tracks around the fence. Might not be safe for a dog.” 

“Coyotes ain’t that bad, especially if it’s just one.” Coyotes look scarier than they are, in Josh’s experience, if they’re on their own. They’re cowardly, preferring to run instead of fight unless they’re cornered. “Big enough dog, it’ll keep clear.” Coyotes think a fair fight means there’s more of them than whatever they’re going after. They get a big dog, a coyote on its own will move along. That’ll be the neighbors’ problem. “Puppy won’t do any good.” 

“Don’t need to be spending the money on one either,” Sam agrees. “Jesus Christ, you know how much people charge for dogs these days?” He’s not really asking, just bitching. And really, it isn’t like Josh knows. He’s got no fight with dogs in general, but that doesn’t mean he likes them all that much, so he’s never paid any attention to them. 

Product of both lifetimes; whether it was the mines or foster care, he’s never met a dog that wouldn’t be perfectly happy taking a chunk out of him. Wasn’t their fault, either time, but it is what it is. “So what, we just going to pick up another stray?” 

“Why not?” That’s a good point. “Besides, an older dog will be better to have around with that kid coming. It won’t be as likely to get all worked up.” 

Josh eyes him. “It’s going to sleep in the house?” That wasn’t a thing, last time. Well, not with anyone he knew. Dogs slept in the barn, with the sheep. That was their job. He knows things are different now, but there’s something about having animals in the house that just kind of bothers him. “Dogs are dirty, man.”

“First time I met you, you smelled like you’d been bathing in whiskey for three weeks straight, and we let you sleep inside.” 

Well, can’t argue with that. 

It’s about a week later that he brings it up with one of the other nurses, Jesus. Guy’s got more pets than a damn zoo, so Josh figures he’s a safe bet for finding a dog. He looks at Josh for a second, taking a bite of his granola bar before he says, “I thought you didn’t like dogs, or something, man.” 

“It’s not for me,” he explains. “We need one up at the ranch. Something’s getting the chickens.” 

“Oh,” he says, nodding. “Well, you’re going to want to stay away from terriers. They were bred to be ratters, so they’ll kill chickens. Wouldn’t recommend a lab either. They’re usually sweet, but they’re bird dogs, so sometimes the instinct kicks in.” He offers Josh his other granola bar, and Josh takes it. He just finished his own dinner, but it doesn’t hurt to have something extra stashed. “I think it’s Pyrenees dogs that usually work, but I’m not sure.” 

Josh could have gotten this from Google, but it’s not like he’s got anything else to do for the next ten minutes, so he lets Jesus keep talking. Honestly though, he mostly stops listening. He’s got two patients today that he knows are going to be a pain in the ass, and another one that he’s damn sure is lying to him about her pain levels, which has the potential of being a serious problem. 

That’s up to the doctor though, so Josh just makes a note of it at the end of his shift, and warns his relief. One of the pains-in-the-ass checks himself out AMA, so he’s not Josh’s problem either. The second one bitches less after his father shows up and reams him out for being an asshole, which, hey, is entertaining for a good five minutes. 

All in all, it’s a shift like any other. Jesus ends up catching up to him in the locker room right before he takes off, handing him a flyer. 

“What’s this?” 

“Rosie’s picking me up, asked her to grab this for me off the fridge,” he explains. “The shelters are having an adoption fair, they might have someone that fits what you’re looking for. Be way cheaper than a breeder, and hey! Doing a good deed in the world.” 

Josh refrains from saying what he thinks about that, but it’s a near thing. He likes Jesus, mostly. Doesn’t want to hurt the guy’s feelings, and the guy really does seem to love animals. Considering what they deal with every day, Josh can’t blame him. Animals probably talk back a whole lot less than people. 

“If you want, I’ll take you,” Jesus offers. 

“Dude, don’t you have enough?” 

“You sound like Rosie,” he says, looking annoyed. “She said no more.” 

Ah, that explains the offer. “Sorry, I want to stay on Rosie’s good side.” Rosie’s sweet, and she sends Jesus to work with cookies a lot of the time. They’re really good cookies. “I’ll probably take Vas, anyway. He likes dogs.”

They start walking out together, Josh splitting the granola bar Jesus gave him earlier with him. “Why don’t you take one of the Lost Boys? Maybe you’ll get lucky, and someone will take one of ‘em off your hands.” 

“Can’t, they’re up in Colorado. Getting another Lost Boy.” Red, Goody, and Billy had taken off yesterday for the weekend, going up to grab Teddy for the summer. “One of them has a jailbait boyfriend he’s bringing down.”

Jesus laughs. “Dude, I love your weird gay commune.” 

“I’m not gay,” Josh argues. “I’m bisexual.” That’s a fun word to have, this time around. He gets a label and a tee shirt instead of getting run out of town. “I’ll borrow Rosie, if you want proof.” 

“No luck, she don’t like white boys,” Jesus says, elbowing him. “Now your boyfriend, if I gave her the green light on him, she’d go for it. Hell, I’m straight, and I wouldn’t say no to him.” 

“Too bad, he does like white boys.” 

Rosie waves at him from where she’s waiting by the car for Jesus, and they separate. 

Fuck, Josh is tired. But he gets himself back to the apartment, throws his scrubs in the laundry and takes a shower before he lets himself fall into the bed for a nap. Neither of them are all that great at shit like making the bed, so it’s a comfortable mess already. Doesn’t take him long to drop off, into a good, three-hour nap. 

Once he’s back up, he gets stuff for dinner out, runs the vacuum. Thinks about dusting, but fuck it, that’s a weekend chore. He’s not doing it today. Besides, he’s got texts from Red he needs to answer now that he’s home and functioning. They’re not much, on the surface. Red’s not particularly wordy even in text. But at this point, he’s got a handle on Red-speak. 

And sometimes, it’s just context. If Red’s sent more than one text, that means he’s worried. Sounds like he’s got a good reason too; he thinks Teddy’s moms are suspicious. Shit, that’s not good. If he was a father, he sure as fuck wouldn’t let his teenage son take off for the summer with a boy he doesn’t know. 

Then again, it’s not like either of them can end up with a teen pregnancy, so it’s not that dire. 

Maybe. Like he fucking knows how parents think, he doesn’t have any, and he doesn’t have any kids running around. 

He’s still thinking about that when Vas walks in. “You got any kids?” 

It’s a dumb thing to ask, judging from the way Vas stares at him for a second, before he goes about getting out of his boots. “Don’t you think I would have mentioned that, _mi vida_?” 

“I don’t know, you don’t really talk about shit from before you met me.” He didn’t the first time either, but it wasn’t like they’d had a ton of time for heart-to-hearts. Plus, Vas had his reasons for not talking about shit that time. “It’s not like I’d be mad.” 

“Well, I don’t. That I know of. And it wasn’t like I was with a lot of people before I found you, Josh.” 

He goes into the bedroom to put his gun away and change, and Josh keeps cooking, watching the chicken. It’s almost done. He’s pretty good with the timing for this. It’s ready to go out by the time Vas is done, which means Vas takes the opportunity to grab him by the waist and kiss him. 

And that’s just nice. It’s stupid, and he doesn’t really need to do it, but Josh still likes it. 

“Why’re you asking me about kids?” Vas asks, keeping Josh close to him. Josh lets him, because it makes him happy, and whatever, Josh has gotten used to physical affection. Touch-starvation is bad for the body, anyway. “Is this your way of hinting you _want_ to have that conversation?” 

He sounds disgustingly hopeful, and Josh can’t look at him for a second. No, he is definitely not there yet. But Raven being all pregnant and shit is getting Vas in that sort of mindset. “We’re not old enough to be talking about that.” Neither of them are even twenty-five yet. They’ve got time to get there, if they’re going to get there. “Red was texting me, is all. Got me trying to get myself in a parent headspace.” 

“Everything okay up there?” He lets go of Josh to grab himself something to drink out of the fridge. “And why is he texting you?” 

“Sorry, babe, think he imprinted on me.” Truth is, Josh doesn’t give a fuck what Red does or doesn’t do, but that’s probably why he likes Josh. And Josh just likes getting to fuck with Vas. “And since your advice would be some bullshit about ‘being himself’ -”

“There is nothing wrong with Red,” Vas argues, sitting down at the table. 

“Vas. Think about this. If you had a teenage son, and Red showed up, what would you be thinking?” 

“They don’t know.”

Josh eyes him, withholding the pepper when Vas reaches for it. “They’re a doctor and a lawyer. They are not stupid.” And teenagers are teenagers, memories of past lives or not. No way they’re not already suspicious about why their kid would want to go live on a ranch all summer. People worry about that kind of shit these days. They probably should have worried about it more back that first time. 

“Look, they managed to hide it the first time. It’ll be fine.” He notices the flyer, where Josh left it on the table. “What’s this?” 

“Adoption fair. Jesus was thinking we could find a dog for the ranch there.”

“Yeah? Maybe.” 

Vas does the dishes while Josh changes the laundry around, but as soon as he’s done, he makes it pretty damn clear he’s not thinking about chores or dogs. “Hello,” he says, kissing Josh’s neck. 

“You already said that,” Josh replies, not fighting him when he pulls down the collar of Josh’s tee to kiss the tattoo there, pushing Josh up against the dryer. 

“No I didn’t, you were asking me weird questions when I walked in.” That might be true. Josh doesn’t really remember at this point. “We could talk about that some more, _mi vida_. Adoption. We’re good candidates, you know.” He’s looking at Josh, that intense kind of looking that Josh doesn’t really know how to respond to. 

He looked at Josh like that the first time, too. But it was easier then. They were probably both going to die, and that had freed up something in Josh, made it simple. He didn’t have to think about how it felt, or why it felt that way. And maybe if he’d lived that time, it would have still been easy. The way he’d lived, the way Vas had been living, everything about it had been so wild, none of it had mattered long-term, because there wasn’t a long-term to think about. 

Now, there’s a long-term. There’s a long-term, where Vas is talking about this kind of shit. 

Now, there’s all of this, stretching out in front of them. 

Now, there’s Vas, kissing him again. “It’s okay, Josh. We’ve got time.” He smiles, with something a little too feral for this time around, but they’re all like that. Still a little too wild, no matter how much they try to tamp it down. “I’ve got other things on my mind anyway.” 

“Oh yeah? What’s that then?” 

This part, at least, he doesn’t have to think about all that much. He didn’t think about it at all, the first time. Some of that can be blamed on him being fucking drunk, but the rest can’t. No, that first time, he’d taken up with Vas because whatever it is between them, it had already sparked up and caught, in less than a day. 

Happened this time too. And Josh was stone-cold sober for all of it. 

There’s no Bogue bearing down on them, either. They can just lie around in their bed, Vas doing that afterglow cuddling shit he likes so damn much. He did it the first time, kissing on Josh like they were sweethearts. The sex had been good enough Josh had even let him. 

No one had ever done that before. Josh’s first experiences with sex are better off not said or thought of, in either time. It was what it was. But Vas has always been different. Sometimes it feels like he’s burrowed his way into Josh’s chest and rented a room, the way he takes up all that space, and it claws at all those mean parts of Josh that don’t trust people. 

It’s Vas though. It’s Vas, and Josh likes it when he does this. Likes it when he doesn’t let Josh go too far right after sex, keeps touching him, like he still wants him. He’s humming too, the weirdo, but he did that too. The first time. Some song in Spanish that might not even exist anymore. Just like those books Josh still looks for. Songs, books. They’re both the kind of thing that fade from history quick. People can’t be expected to remember all that forever. 

Josh doesn’t even really remember those books all that well. He’s pretty sure he’s making half of them up. He just liked them, is all. They were the only thing he had, for a long time there, to get his head somewhere other than reality. He’d needed that, because fuck, his reality had sucked. 

Not like this one had been all that much better, but this time, he had a better chance of getting things right. He’d done what he had to do to get to where he is now. 

Just never thought that he’d end up in New Mexico, is the thing. Never thought he’d get found. That Vas would still want him. Want him bad enough he wouldn’t take _get lost_ as a final answer. But it wasn’t really like Josh had meant it. He’s still not sure what the hell he meant, really. He didn’t want to get mixed up in this shit again, yeah, but he did still want Vas. Still wanted all the things Vas had talked about, back that first time. 

Everyone just wants somewhere to belong. Josh doesn’t think anyone can fault him for that. And if they do, fuck them. 

People out here are weird though. It’s not just them. You can’t throw a damn rock out here and not hit someone half-crazy. Must be something in the groundwater. It means no one ever looks twice at them, though. Them and their _commune_. They get left alone.

“Maybe you should look for someone for us,” Vas says now. “We could get a cat.” 

They’ve had this conversation. “I’m not really a pet kind of person, babe.” It isn’t even like he doesn’t like animals. He likes most of them fine. Just the idea of animals living in the apartment, depending on them, it’s weird. And they work a lot, too. “We ain’t got the time. And pets are expensive.” They’ve got like, vet bills, and shit. “We don’t need any.”

Behind him, he feels Vas exhale, breath hot on Josh. He stops kissing Josh too. ‘What if I just want one?” 

Josh turns enough he can see Vas’ face. “You wanting a pet?” 

“You know I like being around the animals. I wouldn’t mind having one waiting for me at home, too. We had a dog, I could run with it, take it to the park. I’d have someone to talk to when you’re at work.” 

So now a possible cat has turned into a possible dog. That’s how Vas always wins these conversations. He starts with something small, then wheedles his way up to what he’s really after, wearing Josh down. Hell, that’s how he got Josh to go out with him that first time, in this life. Kept showing up at the hospital, getting on Josh’s one last fucking nerve and stressing him out with all his injuries, asking to go out for coffee after every shift. Just coffee. He didn’t even have to talk to Vas. Just let him buy Josh some coffee. 

He agreed to coffee, and next thing he knew, Vas was in his apartment, in his bed, and it was just like before. Second verse, same as the first. Josh couldn’t even be mad about it. 

“Babe, I don’t even know if I like dogs like that,” Josh admits. “Or animals. Wild Jack was my guy, but he was special.” 

Vas mutters, _you and that crazy horse_ in Spanish, then repeats it in English, tightening his arm around Josh, pressing his lips against Josh’s shoulder. “How about this? You go to this thing, see if you can find a dog for the ranch. And maybe see how you feel about them.” 

That sounds fair. “Why am I hearing a whole lot of _me_ about this thing, and no _we_?” 

Behind him, Vas hisses, like he’s about to give Josh some bad news, and then nips at Josh’s ear. “I got to work for the next couple of weekends, _mi vida_. Covering for Sanchez. And we could use the money.” 

The second part ain’t a lie, but it still doesn’t track. “Ain’t Sanchez a workaholic, or something?” 

“He was out on the reservation, asking about some drug deal, got bitten by a snake,” Vas says. 

“That code for something?” 

“Yeah, for ‘he got bitten by a snake’. His stupid ass stuck his hand in an abandoned car. The rattler didn’t like that.” Yeah, Josh just bets. The moron is lucky he’s not dead. It takes a damn long time to get help out on the reservation. “He’s going to be okay, but he’s got to take it easy for a bit.” 

“That’s something, ain’t it?” Josh doesn’t know why he asks, just that it kind of amazes him, how some things have changed. “First time, he would have been a dead man walking. Now he’s just got to take it easy for a bit.” But maybe the first time, he would have had the good sense not to stick his hand in a dark place out in the desert. 

Just thinking about that gets his nerves all lit up. One of those times he’s having a reaction, is all, and he’s got to sit up, get himself free of Vas and the sheets. He’s having a hard time breathing right, but it’s not so bad. Room’s too dark though. 

Vas has already worked out just what’s going on though. He’s gotten up out of the bed, pulling on his sweatpants before he opens the curtains up, lets in the light. Summer means the sun won’t set for another hour at least, and that’s good. That’s good. Seeing the sky, the sun, it calms Josh down. Enough he can swear, get frustrated with himself. 

“I died,” he says, when Vas murmurs something comforting in Spanish to him. “I fucking died, this shit should have died with it.” 

“It’s alright, _mi vida_ ,” Vas says, sitting back down on the bed and grasping the back of Josh’s neck. He’s gone all clammy there, after-effects of his temperature going up, so it feels good. Anchors him. “It’s not even unusual. It’s like, on the most common phobias, right?” 

It is. It is, but it still ain’t fair. Josh ain’t ever been down in a mine or anything like it in this life. He didn’t spend years and years practically chained up, forced down in one from dawn to dusk, wasn’t the skinny kid told to get on his belly and crawl through the cuts in the rock, over and over, in the pitch black darkness. That didn’t happen in this life. But it’s still living in his head. 

It’s still there, just like everything else. “Doesn’t mean I have to like it.” 

Vas nods. “I still think you should talk to someone about this. You could go down to the behavioral health clinic, maybe get some of that anxiety medication?”

“That shit cost money.” 

“My health insurance is better,” Vas reminds him. “So maybe we should have that other conversation.” 

That’s a whole different one than the conversation Vas was angling for before. Marrying Vas, that don’t bother him. They’re a foregone conclusion, feels like. Lately, it’s just been a matter of logistics. It wasn’t a good idea in Louisiana. And now they’ve been busy moving out here, getting settled. But things have calmed down now. “Yeah, maybe.”

“‘Maybe’?” Vas asks, kissing him. “Is ‘maybe’ your way of saying ‘Vas go apply for a license after work this week’?” 

“No, it’s just ‘maybe’.” He leans over, kisses Vas again. “Goody will have a fucking conniption if we get married while he’s up in Colorado.” He’s a dramatic bitch, but Josh already knew that from the last time around. It’s annoying sometimes, hell, it’s annoying most of the time, but it’s annoying in that familiar sort of way that Josh thinks a family is supposed to feel like. “They’ll want to do something for it.” Doesn’t sound like a bad idea. They could get it signed, get it done and over with. There’d be some more paperwork at the hospital, some insurance stuff. Sounds annoying, but not undoable. “I don’t know.” 

He’s thinking of talking about it with Sam, come the day of the adoption fair, but Sam bows out at the last minute. His shoulder is hurting him again though, so Josh still goes up to the ranch, to take a look. He’s not a physical therapist, but he’s taken some classes at the community college, and well, surprise of all surprises, Josh is actually damn good at his job to start with. Maybe he could have been a doctor, the last time around, if things had been different. 

Med school cost too much, this time around. He likes his job, anyway. Likes feeling like he has a purpose. He never had that, the first time around, except for survival. That’s no way to live. 

“Can you raise it at all?” 

Sam shakes his head. “Hurts when I try.” 

“Then don’t try,” Josh warns him. He’s seen Sam’s file. “You’re going to need to make an appointment. If it’s hurting this bad, you need the doctor to take a look, make sure nothing’s come loose or worn out.” He takes a closer look, but it’s not like he can see through skin, and see what the problem is exactly. “Have you called the VA?” 

“Yeah, I got right through,” Sam drawls sarcastically. 

Sounds about right. The VA is pretty much fucking useless half the time. “Alright, well, look, I’ll ask Dr. Reyes if she’s got time for you. She owes me.” There’s nothing else to be done now, but let Sam rest up. Hopefully it’s just inflamed, and giving the area a break will take care of most of the pain. “So I guess no dog, today. You ain’t fit for walking around.” It’s alright. There’s plenty to do around here, and it’s quiet, with the boys gone. He wouldn’t mind just sitting on the porch with Raven for a bit, or maybe helping Jack out with whatever sculpture he’s working on right now. 

But then Matthew, standing at the kitchen counter, says, “I could go with you.” 

Josh tries to think of a reason to say no, but Sam ain’t no help, looking at something else. He tries to force Sam to meet his eyes, but the jackass won’t do it, smiling and standing up, saying something about going to lie down. 

There’s no way to say no without hurting Matthew’s feelings, and that’ll come back on Josh, sooner or later. Best to just get it over with. “Yeah, alright. Grab your stuff.” 

“Cool, I’ll drive.” 

It’s not that he doesn’t like Matthew. It’s kind of hard to dislike him, actually. The man is just genuinely nice. But all that niceness and morality and shit, it kind of gets on Josh’s nerves for some reason. Makes him feel anxious, like he used to feel back over a hundred years ago, before the mines, when his mother would take him to church, and the preacher would start talking about sin. Back then, he thought the preacher was talking right at him, could see into him, see how badly he wanted what other people had, could see all the anger in him. Could see that Josh was already a bad person. 

And it doesn’t help anything that Matthew _pushes_. He wants to be friends. Even before Josh knew who he was, that Matt the New Paramedic was Emma’s Matthew, he was overly-friendly, looking for Josh just to say ‘hi’. It was weird, had Josh already feeling put off by him. Vas was telling him he was being paranoid. Now he just thinks it’s funny. 

“So where’s Emma?” This whole thing is just weird. He never knew Matthew. The guy was dead and buried by the time Emma tracked down Sam, and Sam recruited Josh. He never even knew what the guy looked like. 

Matthew taps the steering wheel, keeping time with the music from the commercial playing on the radio. “She’s got a headache. It’s why I cleared out.” 

“She get those a lot?” 

“Yeah. I made her see the doctor about it, get a scan, but it’s nothing to worry about. She gets them from staring at the screen too long. She’s supposed to take breaks, but you know Emma. She gets focused, forgets.” 

Josh definitely knows how focused Emma can get. He’d died for it. “She take anything for them?” 

“Doc told her over-the-counter meds were fine, she just needs to rest when she gets them. Problem is, she gets noise-sensitivity. So I try to clear out after I get her squared away, let her sleep.” 

She had to get a headache today. Josh wouldn’t mind going with her to this thing. Him and Emma get along, in their way. They actually get along better this time around. They’re both more settled, and he’s less of an asshole. Honestly, he doesn’t even remember most of his interactions with Emma, from the first time around. He’d been drinking a lot that week, as usual, and she hadn’t wanted much to do with him. He’s pretty sure he pissed her off at some point or another, though for the life of him, he can’t remember what it was. He probably hit on her, knowing him. 

Vas had him all twisted up, was the problem. He hadn’t known what to do with what he was feeling, too quick and too intense. He’d been sure they were all going to die anyway, but all of it had been too much to handle. Goody and his shit, Jack Horne being nothing like the stories, Vas and how it was, hell, even Red had been bothering him, what with the way he had of looking at Josh like he saw right through him. Sam had been his fixed point, been that for all of them, he thinks. 

So yeah, he probably said something to Emma that got her ire up. Whatever it was, she’s never brought it up, so it probably bothers him more than her. 

Matthew drives like Raven; that is to say, he shouldn’t be allowed to have a license. But the roads around here are kind of made for that kind of thing, feels like. Everyone here drives like speed limits ain’t a thing. 

“Man, this looks like a real thing,” Matthew says, finding a spot. 

They’ve got streamers and balloons. He’s going to kill Jesus for this. Should have just gone to the damn shelter. And there are families everywhere, so Josh is going to have to watch his mouth. 

They get accosted by some peppy person right at the entrance, holding a clipboard. “Hi, I’m Mark! I’m with Paw Pals, we’re the ones hosting today!” They’ve got a lot of energy. Josh is exhausted just looking at them. “Are you two looking for a cat, or a dog, or another friend?” 

“Dog,” Josh answers, taking the paper they hand him. “For a ranch.” 

“Oh,” they say, nodding. “Okay, are you looking for a pet or a working dog?” 

“That last one,” he says, looking over the sheet. It’s a map, with areas circled, the ones where dogs are, he guesses. “And a pet, I guess. Got something getting the chickens. But they got a kid on the way, too.” 

They nod again, and come closer to him, pointing on the map. “Alright, well, these three sections here? Two of them are for rehoming working dogs, and this one is larger breeds that are rescues. This is where you’re going to want to start. Most of the working dogs are from other ranches around here, or were former hunting dogs. You’d probably be able to find someone that fits your needs.” 

Matthew looks over Josh’s shoulder. “What about the rescues? My wife and me were thinking about getting a pet, too.” 

“Like I said, these are the larger breeds. I wouldn’t recommend one unless you two have a house, or a lot of time for exercise. These ones here, these are where the smaller dogs would be. And like I said, we have cats here today, too!” 

“Thanks,” Josh says, cutting that conversation short. “We appreciate it.” 

“I hope you find someone!” They say cheerfully, and move on to a family behind them. 

The stations they’re looking for are further away from the entrance. There are temporary fences set up, all sorts of dogs out and about, meeting people. Under the tents, there are runs and mesh enclosures set up, where there are some cats. Gets him thinking about what Vas said; maybe they could look into getting a cat, at some point. It’ll make Vas happy. 

The kids running around though, that’s got him thinking about what would really make Vas happy. And Josh has more reason than most to be into the whole adoption thing. He’s been there. He would have killed for someone, anyone, to take a second look at him, think about giving him a home. He’s got one now, yeah, but he could have used one, then. 

“These things are kind of weird. It looks cheerful, but it's really depressing,” Matthew says. “I know it’s not the same, but when I was a kid, and my dad would take me to auctions, and sometimes they just turned my stomach. Everyone was so cheerful, but most of the animals were going to be slaughtered." He pauses. "Saw some auctions with slaves too."

"Yeah, man, maybe don't compare this to that." He knows what Matthew's trying to get at, but it doesn't sound right, the way he's said it. Josh thinks about what he says next carefully before he says it. He doesn’t know Matthew that well, and he doesn’t like talking about this shit. “It's not the same thing. And they have these for kids too, nowadays, you know. Went to a couple, when I was still in the system.” Not that he had any chance. This time around, he was the child of a drug addict and an unknown father, and even that young, his head had already been a mess, memories of the mines and Vas and dying mixed up with the ones from this life. He’d been an angry kid, confused and feeling like he got ditched again, even with a do-over. Too old, anyway. People who went to those fairs were looking for cute little four-year-olds and bright-eyed twelve-year-olds. Kids without his issues. 

“That’s…” Matthew actually looks a little lost for words. “I don’t know how I feel about that. Doesn’t seem right.” 

It is what it is. “Works out for some kids. They put on a show, try to get someone interested. Sometimes it does the trick.” 

“You were a kid, not a used car,” Matthew argues. 

“Look, man, it ain’t perfect, but most of the time, the social workers are genuinely doing their best. They want to get kids in safe homes, and sometimes, that’s how you got to play the game.” It humanized them to the foster parents, or something. Made them seem like real kids, not pictures and a case file. “And we’re here for a dog, not a kid.”

Matthew’s pushy, but he’s got some sense. He drops it. “Think that’s what we’re looking for.” 

The tent has big dogs, that’s for sure. While Matthew explains to the people at the folding table what they’re looking for exactly, Josh takes a look. They’re dogs. Unlike the other tents, these ones look mostly bored, but they are advertised as working dogs. This ain’t their scene. One with a square-ish kind of face, shows some interest in him, but he’s just sniffing. They’ve got colored bandannas on, and there’s a hand-drawn sign saying just what each color means. This one’s got a yellow one, and apparently that means they were a tracker. Explains the sniffing. 

Any of them could probably do what’s needed. Josh isn’t even sure how he’s supposed to pick. Maybe Matthew knows. 

He catches up with Josh, holding another piece of paper. “Guy at the table says he runs a kennel for temporary housing. That’s where these ones usually live. He says if we take one and they don’t work out, we can bring them back, try another.” 

They’re just dogs, and they probably don’t give a shit, but that still bothers Josh. It’s not like it’s even unfair. If the dog doesn’t fit in, they don’t fit in. And people can’t take risks with dogs, not ones this big. Josh has treated plenty of bites himself, even from the little ones. He’d seen someone missing a finger once thanks to an angry chihuahua. 

“Those the rescues?” Matthew is looking past Josh, at the tent nearby. 

“Yeah, I guess.” One of them is barking, so Josh isn’t interested in going over there and maybe stirring up more trouble with them. “Sam and them probably don’t have time for one, though.”

The dog is barking louder, and one of the attendants is trying to talk to it, calm it down. It’s setting off the other dogs. One near them sits on its haunches and starts howling. 

“Jack, come on buddy, calm down,” the attendant is pleading. 

It’s the name that gets Josh’s attention. No reason, really. Plenty of dogs named Jack. It’s the name, and something about the rhythm of the dog’s barks. It reminds him of something. 

He turns and walks over, feeling Matthew follow him. It’s a big dog, fluffy, kind of a white-ish color. It’s barking like crazy, the closer Josh gets, pulling on the harness the attendant has a hand on. They’re still pleading with it, but the dog ain’t listening. Josh already knew he was crazy, but maybe he’s crazier than he thinks, because the dog is looking at him. 

The dog is definitely looking at him. Barking at him. 

It can’t be. That’s not possible. But Josh still puts his fingers to his lips, and whistles, three times, two short ones and a long one. 

The dog stops barking, stills. 

“What was that?” Matthew asks, but Josh ain’t listening. 

“Jack?” It can’t be. It can’t be him. But he stopped barking when Josh whistled, just like Wild Jack always calmed down when he heard it. He knew that meant it was Josh coming, that he was safe. That he could be calm and no one would hurt him. 

This dog is calm as can be now, and the attendant is looking at Josh. “Friend of yours?” she asks. 

“I don’t know.” He’s thrown enough to be honest, or mostly. This is a dog. Wild Jack was a horse, supposedly pure-bred, a story Josh had gone with, but he’d known right from the first time he’d seen him, fighting those idiots in that corral in some nothing town, that Jack had too much fire in his blood to have been sired by some town horse. He’d been _wild_ , and willing to fight to stay that way. 

For everyone but Josh. They’d been kin, right from the start. Two cut from the same cloth. 

This dog, this dog is looking at Josh just like how Jack did then, when Josh boosted himself up on the fence to look at him, the horse all the wranglers were saying wasn’t good for anything but glue. He’s looking at Josh with those same big eyes. 

He comes closer, up to the fence now. “Jack?” The attendant has loosened their grip, enough Jack gets free, comes right to him, big paws on the fence, trying to get to him. “Jack, is that you?” Without even thinking to ask if its safe, because why would he, he didn’t the first time, when he put his hand out to the crazy fucking horse he’d already seen bite three men and put another in the dirt, he puts his hands on this dog, holding his head. 

Just like that first time, he stays calm under Josh’s hands. He knew that first time that Josh wouldn’t hurt him. Would do stupid shit, like gamble him away, but he’d always steal him back. Always let him have his head, let him run how he liked. Rub him down properly. Never pull on his bit. 

Just like that first time, he presses further into Josh. Like he always did. Because he knows Josh this time, too. 

“Hey, buddy,” Josh says, and shit, his throat is tight. “Hey, where you been?” Being a dog, apparently. Out here, being a dog, and Josh hadn’t even been looking for him. “I’m sorry it took me so long. I didn’t know.” 

Behind him, he hears Matthew say, “So I think we want the paperwork for this dog.” 

“Yeah, uh...I can get that. Just a second.” 

Josh honestly can’t get his head together enough to think. So maybe it was a good thing he got sent here with Matthew, because Matthew takes care of everything, sitting by Josh in the grass with a clipboard and asking him questions, filling out the answers. All while Josh sits there with Wild Jack mostly in his lap, refusing to be moved. He keeps hitching his body up, trying to get closer, like he thinks if he moves an inch, Josh’ll leave him. 

Like he would. He doesn’t care if he has to steal him, he’s not leaving him. He already left him alone in this world for too long. “I’m sorry, buddy,” he keeps saying. “I’m sorry.”

“I know these people,” Matthew says. Because of course he does. Jesus wept, Matthew just makes friends wherever he goes, doesn’t he? “Told them you’re a nurse at the hospital, so they know you’ll pass the background check. They’re still going to run it, but Terry says he’ll waive the waiting period, let you take him home. He’s a Pyrenean Mountain dog, he’s two years old, never had a violent outburst. But Terry says he’s been a lot of trouble.”

“Yeah, that’s my boy,” Josh says, scratching his side. He liked that, when he was a horse. Likes it now. “He’s always got something to say. Don’t you, boy, yeah? You always got something to say.” 

“He had a lot to say just now,” Matthew jokes. “Alright, I’m going to give this to Terry, and then I think we should get on out of here. Get him home. Sound good?” 

“Yeah.” 

Wild Jack gets into the backseat of the car with no trouble when Josh tells him to, but Josh still puts the window down for him. He never liked being cooped up, just like Josh. Would make him antsy, and an ansty Jack tends to fight. Not Josh, but Matthew’s probably an easy target for him. 

“So…” Matthew starts, stops. “Emma’s told me about Wild Jack.” 

“They didn’t understand each other,” Josh says quickly, checking on him in the back. He’s got his head out the window as they drive, the dope. “Jack here needed a special touch.” 

Matthew nods. “That’s not how she put it.”

“I don’t give a shit,” Josh says, offhandedly. “What do you think of the car, buddy?” Wild Jack looks perfectly happy, but he always did like going fast. “Yeah? I’ll take you on more car rides, promise.” 

“I’m not going to have a fun time explaining this to her,” Matthew says. “Pretty sure she kind of hated him.” 

“She kind of hated me too,” Josh says. “She’ll get over it.” She’ll have to. They all will. Josh ain’t leaving him again. Wild Jack is two. Two years old, and he’s been lost in this world without Josh. Passed around, left behind, ending up at that fair. Just like the first time, his boy, all by his lonesome in that corral with people who didn’t understand him. “You’re going to have to be nice to Vas, this time, boy.” 

Matthew sighs. “I am in so much trouble with so many people.” 

That ain’t Josh’s problem, but he’s still grateful to Matthew for his help. “Thanks, man. Seriously.” 

“What are friends for?” 

Oh shit. They’re friends now. Josh gets the feeling Matthew’s the kind of friend who means it, too, the kind who gets together for bar quizzes and soccer matches. Well, Vas will be happy. 

Jack practically bounds out of the car once they park beside the truck, running around on the gravel, smelling the air. Everyone is sitting on the porch, including the boys. They were due back today, made good time. Jack freezes, and then runs up to the porch, where Teddy Q. is standing, practically taking him down, barking again, and slobbering on him. 

That’s right; Vas and Emma have both told him that the only person Jack would let near him after Josh had died was Teddy. Seems like Jack remembers too. 

“What the hell?” Teddy asks, shoving at him. 

“Jack’s back,” Josh calls out, feeling cheerful now. 

He hears Sam groan, sees Teddy just kind of accept what’s happening, patting Jack’s flank. 

But Vas, looking at Jack, says, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” He turns to Josh. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“You said I could have him back, if he wasn’t a horse.” Had said it a dozen times, when Josh had been missing him, his boy. Told him he could have his _fucking loco horse_ back. “He ain’t a horse.” 

“I didn’t think you would,” Vas mumbles, but he doesn’t protest either. “And of course you’re a great fucking dog for guarding chickens. You’re just out to haunt me, aren’t you, asshole?” 

Wild Jack don’t pay him any attention, too interested in getting his scent on Teddy and pushing Red out of the way, before he settles back at Josh’s side. Just like he always did. Always looking for Josh, keeping him in sight. 

Josh sits on the steps, by Vas’ feet, and smiles up at him, while he pets Wild Jack. He feels good, feels like everything is right with his world, at least for just now, and looking up at Vas, he can’t think of why he thought he didn’t know. He knows. He knew the first time, that Vas was it for him. Knows it more than anything, right now, because Vas hates this. He definitely hates this, but he’s going to let Josh have it. “He can be my best man.” 

Above him, Vas tilts his head, then starts smiling, slow and easy. “Alright, _mi vida_. I can go with that.” He crouches down, so he can kiss Josh. “Every time. Every time, you and this damn demon.” But he still smiles at Josh. “Guess I’m going to have to marry you.”

“Yeah, guess you will.”


End file.
